Altered States 213th issue of our Website NEWSLETTER...

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Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive yet realistic views of themselves and their situations. Self-confident people
trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives,
and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they wish,
plan, and expect.

Having self-confidence does not mean that individuals will be able to do everything. Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.

People who are not self-confident depend excessively on the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure. They generally do not expect to be successful. They often put themselves down and tend to discount or ignore compliments paid to them. By contrast, self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally trust their own abilities. They tend to accept themselves; they don't feel they have to conform in order to be accepted.

Many factors affect the development of self-confidence. Parents' attitudes are crucial to children's feelings about themselves, particularly in children's early years. When parents provide acceptance, children receive a solid foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are excessively critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior. However, if parents encourage children's moves toward self-reliance and accept and love their children when they make mistakes, children will learn to accept themselves and will be on their way to developing self-confidence.

Do you already have the ideal mindset, a solid foundation to accomplish all of your hopes and dreams? Some people do. Check the questions below that could have a "yes" for an answer. If you've answered "yes" to less than 5 questions, then you are close to the ideal mindset. If 5 or more questions were answered with a "yes," you will absolutely find benefit in the Ideal Mindset Personal Learning Course, because you have more to accomplish.

27 questions to measure how close you are to having an ideal mindset for success

Surprisingly, lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability. Instead it is often the result of focusing too much on the unrealistic expectations or standards of others, especially parents and society. Friends' influences can be as powerful or more powerful than those of parents and society in shaping feelings about one's self. Students in their college years re-examine values and develop their own identities and thus are particularly vulnerable to the influence of friends

Beat Self Consciousness
Learn how to keep your attention off yourself - self consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. You can do this easily by following these steps...

a) If you notice you have become self-conscious, (you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious), choose something 'everyday' you can see and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at the different textures and shades of colour, wonder about who made it and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself.

b) If you feel self-conscious in a social situation, it's usually because you don't have enough to do! Focus on what your purpose in the situation is. Whether you're there to:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."
Eleanor Roosevelt.

find out if you like the other people in the situation
make others feel comfortable
find out some information
make business contacts
and so on...
It's easy to feel self-conscious if you have nothing to do, and much more difficult if your attention is occupied by a task.

Think how comfortable you have been with others when you're all working toward a common goal. The common goal of socialising could be making friends, it could be the exchange of mutually beneficial information, it could be whatever you want it to be!

3) Don't Take Undue Criticism - Even From Yourself !
Challenge your own assumptions. For example, take note that:

a) Confident-looking people have bad moments too.

b) Just because you feel under-confident, doesn't mean other people can tell.

c) If you're saying things to yourself like "You're no good at anything" then rest assured, you're wrong. Everyone can compose a sentence, get successfully to the store, eat without choking. Don't let yourself make sweeping statements about yourself - in the long run it is this sort of thing that can really damage your self image.

Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself, it's about not thinking bad for no reason!

d) Just because you have felt bad about yourself in the past doesn't mean you're always going to feel that way. I have seen hundreds of people surprise themselves once they have learned how to build self confidence in a way that it stays built!

Use the Natural Brilliance Personal Learning Course to
overcome any challenges in your life at will.
You will discover:

Life becomes smoother and more fulfilling
Proverbial mountains shrink to molehills
Relationships become more meaningful and pleasurable
Change becomes effortless and easier
Stress drains from your life
Goals soar to achievement
Euphoria becomes a way of life

Free yourself to achieve more in life, with ease and grace

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SOME POSSIBLE SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM:

Guilt: paralysing form of self-torture; seeing one's imperfections and believing improvement is beyond possibilities.
Scepticism/being over-critical; unrealistic expectation of perfection, reasoning that, "I am not perfect, so I'm worthless". Scepticism and cynicism are sometimes called "crystallised forms of anger", and can be detrimental to yourself, as you may only be focussing on faults of yourself, and rarely allow yourself to enjoy good things. In cynicism, the fear and distrust are taken one step further, thinking, "They are imperfect, they are worthless".
Unforgiving: unrealistic expectation of perfection, reasoning that "People should be perfect, I and others are not perfect, and no one can be forgiven for not being perfect."
"I could never do this, I can only ...": focus on my own limits rather than on my possibilities for growth and improvement. "I am not perfect" may be very true, but is that not the best possible reason for trying to improve oneself by being positive and helping others?
Self-shame: keeping secrets about oneself: "I am disgusting, strange, weird, stupid, ugly". This creates a negative spiral, "others never talk about it, so I must be really weird"; based on the delusion: "I should be perfect, because others are".
Pride: if one is genuinely self-confident, there is no need for pride; only an empty balloon can be 'blown up'. It is based on the unrealistic view: "Others should be perfect and are not, but I am better". To cover up their own insecurity, a fair amount of people act out pride, as if they are better than others, but only because they lack self-confidence.
Improper humility: not regarding oneself as equal to others, but less than others. Humility is a positive quality as it avoids pride and is other-centered, often driven by active compassion for others. Lack of self-confidence however, is often self-centred (feeling sorry for oneself and looking for excuses to not change your own situation) and paralyses you from doing positive actions.
Idolising people: overestimating others is based on - or will easily lead to - underestimating oneself.
Fear, uncertainty to: make mistakes, be abnormal, not be liked, change, be hurt or of responsibility. Fear closes the heart and mind off from the outside; leaving you alone! Based on the misunderstanding: "I should be perfect", which is simply unrealistic.
Acting to be a perfect person instead of being myself: if I am self-confident, I don't need to behave like someone else; see pride. Instead of leading to praise, others may easily pierce through the facade and uncover my acting.

If you want to awaken your natural guidance system to happiness, success,
and long life, then you must have...the powerful "Mental Strategy"
that separates those who thrive from those who dive


The ultimate solution for dealing with and capitalizing on
change, uncertainty, and other problems is already inside you.

You were born with it. Now find out how to activate it.

SOME ANTIDOTES TO LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE
Find the courage to really open your heart to someone; self-confidence is deeply related to trusting others. Our deepest secrets are often not as hidden to others as we may think, or simply so common in the experience of others, that there is actually nothing special about them. We often consider ourselves very special, and forget that all the others around us are just as human as we ourselves are.
Practice compassion and loving-kindness to others,
Be realistic:
To overcome frustration , try to act when negative situations can be
changed, better to have no success than never having tried.
What is there to loose, really?

Strategies and Tools for Developing Confidence
Emphasize Strengths. Give yourself credit for everything you try. By focusing on what you can do, you applaud yourself for efforts rather than emphasizing end products. Starting from a base of what you should do helps you live within the bounds of your inevitable limitations.
Take Risks. Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn rather than occasions to win or lose. Doing so opens you up to new possibilities and can increase your sense of self-acceptance. Not doing so turns every possibility into an opportunity for failure, and inhibits personal growth.
Use Self-Talk. Use self-talk as an opportunity to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop" and substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that you can't do everything perfectly, that it's only possible to try to do things and to try to do them well. This allows you to accept yourself while still striving to improve.
Self-Evaluate. Learn to evaluate yourself independently. Doing so allows you to avoid the constant sense of turmoil that comes from relying exclusively on the opinions of others. Focusing internally on how you feel about your own behavior, work, etc. will give you a stronger sense of self and will prevent you from giving your personal power away to others.

Self Confidence
New Behavior Generator
Personal Ecology:
Self Esteem
Brain Power
Anxiety
Anxiety-Free
Depression
Mental Potential
Euphoria
Mental Therapy

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